Lost in my mind..

Heard a line in a song, where it asked if you were lonelier alone or with others, which gave me reasons to pause and think of when I’m lonely, I found that I never lonely, but sometimes there is this longing for an imaginary connection that isn’t real

There are two answers to that question, what is the differention? Quite often I’m missing it more when I’m around others, as I want to convey these thoughts, ideas, discussions and struggle understanding a desire to just sit still and do nothing. So many are ok with that, to just be, to not question everything, to be ok to not exist in a world where your soul can never quench an insatiable appetite to create.

When you are with others around you, it’s easy to fail to convey the massive correlation that you seek to find the causation and don’t understand how a soul can just sit in front of a tv and not also be working on projects in a passion to research to seek knowledge. For is not the pull of art, culture, seeking to steal moments of the universe for yourself more interesting

When alone, I long for the imaginary intellectual exchange and passion filled connection to another that my soul for years misled me thinking that kind of intimacy can exist.. for it cannot and does not exist… And if I’m alone, I can at least pretend it exists..when with others your brutally reminded that the fantasy world is just that… fantasy

It is easier to be alone. For alone I can build a world where I’m free to exist without making others try to keep up with my thoughts, my insatiable need to devour the universe, to be free . I can travel to Romania and sit in and abandoned citadel and selfishly have it to myself and luxuriate in the fantasy of a shared intimate moment of a soul who sees it like me, sadly if another is there your expectation of that intimacy can not be real and you experience it in a much less intensity..

I’ve learned through the years to have no expectations of others to feed back equal energy, or to play the muse in my imaginary world.. for there I can be my own muse..as most others don’t feel certain things to the depth I do..

My heart is at peace when I can travel down the road less travelled, leaving nothing but traces of my soul behind, stealing a small part of the energy of the deep dark ruins to feed me

It is up to us to fulfill our own soul, to live life in tantalizing moments, almost as if you are awash in the desert and a kind soul stands above you holding an ice cube as it slowly melts.. leaving you anxious for the cool slow drip to reach your parched lips and your outstretched tongue yearning for it, seeking it

It is up to each of us to build the life we want through our choices, and we are authors of our own destiny.. where all one must do is make a different choice to place their destiny on a new trail..

Some choices lead to normality, others lead you to a path whicj will leave your soul standing there ripped open and raw jagged edges, waiting breathlessly for what may come.

Because if you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter what road you take.. sometimes it’s a rabbit hole, others a cow and nuclear power plant .