It’s been an interesting 2022, and not sure really how to process it all. All I know is I need to get out of civilization to recharge…
I got the long-awaited wrist surgery, and it appears I’m in the 20% that it doesn’t make a difference, but on a good note, I’m not in the 20%, it makes worse. I actually sat still on a couch for the better part of 2 weeks, which allowed me to fulfill a bucket list goal of binge-watching the entire original Twilight Zone. The medication keeps the 3-5 day irretractable migraines in check so that when they hit, I can dull the pain and still function until they pass, but they are still in an every 2 to 3 week rotation. Hoping that with summer coming and finding some true peace where there is silence the Synaptics may calm down.
Now if I can just get the MRI to show what my shoulder needs, so I can find out if it is again a 60/20/20 split to determine if I’m willing to sit out life for another 2 months for a gamble…
My mother has been moved to the new care facility, and she’s adjusting well, staying on her medication, and has moved up to working on 100-piece puzzles again. It was a long way from literally cleaning up her shit last August, and it was all over the place. In the expected twist of fate, mental health had no desire to see the videos to understand how bad it was.
Along the way, a few months ago, she said, “you know I never loved you. I want to learn how to you love you”; it took everything in my willpower to not double over laughing and say really – no shit! I kind of picked up on that along the way… Roger also shared that with me on his death bed and included himself as a guilty party alongside sharing the story about the metal box they put people in and shot a gun above their head in one hole and out the other. Little do they all know I have come to accept my life as a Dark Comedy – something only William Shakespear could create – either that or the infinite number of monkeys are all busy typing to see what we are doing next..lol
Out of all of it, though, I came through it OK; looking at my life, I have everything one could want. I have peace, freedom to travel the world and work anywhere, a safe space to call my own, and unlimited things to learn and challenge me when I choose. I live in a world full of fascinating moments, things, ideas… and a never-ending supply of crayons to color the world as I please…
I learned that our childhood may shape us, but it does not define us, nor does it box us into pretty little labels of “insert issue”; it is our choice what we do with those experiences that mold us. It is how we build resilience in our lives to see the positive and remember no matter how big that mountain is, we have changed the world before, we can easily do it again.
My passion is still currently dulled, buried deep beneath whatever is there right now… I think it’s starting to unbury itself from the last year from that fateful day in August with the knock at the door… Passion feeds passion.. without actual passion for things, fairies tend to end up sitting on a shelf with a glass jar on top of them…
And it’s so hard to look at the things you’ve created in the past, things like how did I manage to create a Facebook group that now has 56,000+ members now because we got tired of seeing tires for sale, how did I pull off the geocaching events with so little effort it seemed? How did I do school, pull off the long list of things I did… I know why and what has changed…
And maybe that’s what is missing in my life, and I’m in a weird place right now, as I’ve always had some sort of “muse” in my life to feed off of, where they were passionate and driven to make things happen and right now I don’t have that. Trying to balance a relationship with passion is hard, as relationships take time, energy, and not so much sacrifices but that you aren’t just “free” to do as you want when you want. That is likely why I’ve always struggled so much with them – hey, I’m going to head to “enter XYZ” see you then!
Luckily, Darren supports me more than anyone has; when I need to take off for a week or a month, he supports it, which has helped a ton in me not going insane this year. The trip to Tennessee did me more good than any 5-star resort could.
Along the way the last year, sometime last summer – I found an artist named Foy Vance.. and this song…
All I could say when I heard the song was, “there is my song! it is about me..” I found out he was playing in Nashville when I was debating whether or not to go, and the fact that he was playing there when I wanted to go sealed the deal – it was fate! Everything is locked down and ready to go…
Music.. it has the ability to heal, the ability to help us find our way through moments that seem to have no sense in them. Finding a new artist, where there isn’t a song you don’t love, during times of stress can literally save your sanity. Certain music impacts the brain waves and increases your serotonin and dopamine levels (if you want the science stuff let me know otherwise, I’ll just not bore you with it). That’s why saxophone music increases a guy’s chance of getting lucky on the first date.. lol.
I found out shortly after he was going back on tour in 2022 and was going to be headlining this time and had a stop in Seattle – tickets snatched up for that one.
While the Nashville show was good, Foy wasn’t headlining it, which, no offense to the other artist, but the voice I wanted to hear was the one I found earlier in the year.
I just got back from the show in Seattle, and it was stunning, and I’d put it right up there with Satriani and Prince when at the Orpheum- and the reason is that Foy Vance, Lee Rogers, and Gareth Dunlop are the same caliber of artist. Not there to sell their soul for record sales, nothing flashy, nothing plagiarized…
Just rhythm dealt straight from the depths of their soul.. and that folks is what passion from the world is- it does not apologize for being, it does not compromise, nor does it hide in the depths of the shadows, or worry about form or pomp.. it simply stands before you trembling .. exposed, naked, and raw for all to see… Thank you to the 3 artists for reminding me what passion looks like, been a while since I’ve seen it in a form I recognize…
Anyways – on the lost photo album project – Flora’s photo album will soon be returned back to her family, and her memory will live on with them in their excitement to see family photos from about 1900 never seen before(well they saw the electronic version). We will see what item in the universe that needs to go home will find me next.. maybe an alien? Betting pool anyone?
Now I am headed back to research my dead people…. I may finally have a lead on Matlock or Jesse’s family bible … Cross fingers .. Anyways I’ve got my towel and ready to pay homage to the god of 42..
Trix's Trax 